come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
