There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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