That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
