she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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