woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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