in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
These tits shall not be calmed
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize