you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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