They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
you will always have a special place in my vag
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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