I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
