I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
