Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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