Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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