My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
