I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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