Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize