Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize