I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Randomize
