You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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