I looked at my own cervix.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
