im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
