I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
How external is "for external use only"?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
