I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
