I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
