47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Hippo gnu deer
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
