im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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