what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
