I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
