is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
