____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
