He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
