I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
