U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
