I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
