4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize