i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize