I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
