____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
