Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
