I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
