careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
