we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
