see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
