Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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