It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
