How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
