I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I can't turn off my feet"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
