I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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