Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
