So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
