did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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