Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
