I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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