After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
