My room smells like vodka and shame
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
