i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
