Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
