i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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