he told me I talked like a deaf person
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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