take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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