i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
