this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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