I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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