yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
