it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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