i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
