then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
