Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
