I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
