Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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