Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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